A Bargain at any Price...

I think everyone has seen this picture by now but I thought I would tell you a bit more about the day that it was taken. I remember the day vividly - it was a beautiful spring day in Toronto, April 26th of last year. I had driven up to visit Julie and Cameron while he was still staying at the Westpark Rehab Center and I brought some things from home, one was Cameron's razor - which explains the nifty beard in the photo. He was feeling good and had the weekend off and we were free to go downtown for the day - and what a day.

It started out on the subway with Cameron running and skipping down the subway stairs ahead of me. And when we got to the subway landing he was leaning out over the ramp looking for the subway to arrive. While we were waiting he was talking to everyone and their dog - quite literally because there was a man with a dog waiting there too and they had a great chat - all three of them. When we got on the subway Cameron decided to stand up and hang onto the safety strap with his one good arm but I finally convinced him to sit down. I was having a ball but I was a nervous wreck already!

Once we arrived downtown Cameron wanted to go everywhere at once. We started at the Eaton Centre and he was thrilled because the last time we were there he had been in a wheelchair - another story in itself. So Cameron being a creature of habit, we visited every store that we had been to before. After that we went outside and wandered all over downtown. Cam was passing out money to panhandlers - and passing out friendly advice to several street people too as I recall. He had quite a conversation about music with one girl in particular (and her dog) while I watched and waited - we were in no hurry.

We went everywhere, ate everything, bought everything and he quite literally wore me out. Cam was truly happy to be alive and out in the world after many weeks of being in hospitals. You can't possibly know that kind of happiness unless you have been through what he went through. I guess that is a gift of sorts. It seems like such a high price to pay but I guess true happiness is a bargain at any price. We had many other good days too - but this one stands out way above the others. I am so glad I was there to experience it - and capture it in this one photo. A picture of true happiness that you or I will probably never experience.

Forgive me if a few of my stories are about Cameron for awhile, but these are things everyone should know and writing about them is therapy for me. I hope reading them is therapy for you.

Hey Dad Soup

I haven't been able to write anything here for almost a year and a half now because during that time 100% of my energy was focused on supporting Cameron in his battle. Unfortunately I only have 100% to give, unlike some others who seem to have 1000% - like Julie for example. She gave all her love and energy to caring for Cameron and still managed to find even more to deal with other personal issues. I wish I could be more like that - but it is her gift not mine. However, this story is not about Julie - it is about Cameron and how I will miss him. And one thing I will miss in particular is going to the movies - an interest we have shared for many years.

When we were in Toronto we were pretty much confined indoors until one day we discovered the joy of going to matinee movies. It just occurred to us that if we picked the off peak hours then the theaters would be less crowded and less chance of contacting germs etc. We learned to find our way around Toronto in search of movie theaters with wheelchair access and it was very liberating for us both. We saw The Grand Budapest Hotel when it was first released, Guardians of the Galaxy, we watched Need for Speed 3D in a theater that normally seats 300 people. We sat front and center and had the whole place to ourselves. A wonderful memory... The last movie we saw together was The Hobbit here in Fredericton - and we loved it. I remember we stayed until the theme song ended and the last credit had rolled by. Another wonderful memory...

I have to briefly mention movie food because that was always part of the fun too and I don't mean just popcorn. I won't go into detail at this point but I will just ask if you would order a plate of pulled pork nachos with extra cheese sauce and then eat it in the dark with one hand? Well - Cameron did, and more than once!

But what does all this have to do with soup? Very little actually... in fact it has more to do with the movies which I will explain. Cam and I started the tradition of going to movies together many years ago and I suffered through my share of typical "kid" movies like the "Pokemon Movie" for example - so bad I actually fell sound asleep about three times while Cameron enjoyed the whole show.  But the movie that always sticks in my mind is The Goofy Movie which played when Cameron was about 5 years old. It was about Goofy and his son Max and their adventures on a road trip - that's about all the plot detail I remember. Except for that one silly but touching little scene where they were trapped in their car by Big Foot (I told you it was silly...) and Goofy was heating up a can of soup using the cigarette lighter. They had been quarreling about something trivial and Goofy reminded Max how he used to spell out "Hey Dad" in his alphabet soup - Hey Dad Soup. And if you think it made me tear up back then - you should see me now.

I guess this memory sticks with me because ever since he was a kid, Cameron always greeted me with those exact words. Maybe nobody else noticed it - maybe my ears were just tuned to it. I would come home from work and the first thing I would hear would be "Hey Dad - guess what?" or "Hey Dad - let's order a pizza" or my favorite - "Hey Dad - we should go to a movie." It was usually about some small thing but it always started with "Hey Dad" and it always reminded me of Goofy and Max.

This continued right until the end. I dropped in to visit Cam alone one evening and he asked me to come back in about an hour. I went off to read a book for a while and when I came back he seemed to still be resting so I quietly paced the hall outside his room thinking he was asleep. I had no idea he even knew I was there until after a few minutes I heard "Hey Dad... can you get me a blanket?" I was surprised and thrilled and found a blanket right away. Anyone who has ever been a caregiver to a seriously ill person will know how much it means to be able to provide even a small bit of comfort.

So what can I say to finish a simple yet meaningful little story like this? How about "Hey Cam, I will miss you - and I'll be thinking of you always, but especially at the movies."

Love, Dad

Extra Strong

This is a new blog site I have set up exclusively for my stories about Cameron. It is called EXTRA STRONG and Cameron even wrote the title himself although he didn't realize it at the time. After he passed away I was cleaning up his room and I found this piece of paper on the closet floor - in Cameron's own handwriting. It was probably a label for some of his pills as he always liked to be involved in that part of his treatment. It was just meant to be a simple label, but I think the words have taken on a meaning of their own.

Take another look at the picture above - this is a label Cam made on his own, with one hand. I challenge anyone reading this to try and do the same - using your left hand if you are right handed and vice versa. Go ahead, get a piece of paper and a pen, and when you are done fold it up just right and then get a roll of scotch tape and tape it to a round plastic pill bottle. Not an easy task I think you will agree...

What this little demonstration goes to show is that Cam was not only extra strong but also extra capable and extra determined. He was a lot of other 'extras' too; extra brave, extra kind and extra large. Both in spirit and in body - on second thought, make that XXL.

All the stories I have written so far are found here and I will be working on new ones as I go along and whenever the inspiration strikes me. I will be sure to remind you whenever there are new ones but feel free to stop and read them whenever you want. It couldn't hurt and it just might help - to make us all EXTRA STRONG.